How to take Zimbio quizzes and maintain your dignity!

Zimbio and Buzzfeed quizzes are killing my Facebook newsfeed.

Killing. It.

Admittedly, it’s pretty damn convenient when a 20 second test on the internet can tell you how long you’re going to live. Oh, and what would life be if we had no way to accurately determine which Backstreet Boy we should marry?!? It’s truly enough to make anyone thankful for technological advances. We live in a glorious time! (Screw you, “Dark Ages”!)

Assuming we’re in a circle of truth, we can collectively confess that those quizzes are stupid. We all know this. However, we also know that at least once we’ve been suckered in, clicked the damn link and before you knew it, were finding out what adorable animal we were in a past life.

ADMIT IT!

In a moment of weakness just this morning, I succumb to one of those gawd-awful links to find out which Game of Thrones character I was. Every multiple choice selection I made got me one step closer to the answer and chipped just a tiny bit more away from my dignity. It was quite a pickle.

How could I indulge these idiotic quizzes while managing to keep my self-respect intact? I may be a DimWhit, but at that moment I was struck by genius.

Like an inconvenient fart, I’m putting this one on my dog!

It’s a simple fix, really. You merely open a quiz of your choice, pretend to be the family dog and answer the questions accordingly. You know them well enough to answer on their behalf. Plus, you get twice the giggles with zero of that nasty shame aftertaste. To assess my theory, I found my way to Zimbio and put DimDog to the test.

 

Click on this pic if you’d like to join us!

First, I randomly selected one of the quizzes highlighted on the home page. I figured the “Finding Nemo” test would be ideal for my experiment since it’s kinda about animals. Also, I was confident I could guess which character DimDog would be (Dory) and was looking forward to being validated.

Here is how she answered and her results. Question 1:

This was an obvious DimDog answer. She swims about as well as a giant rock with four plastic straws taped to the bottom. She’d want back to shore and she’d need help getting there.

Also easy. She never tries to run off, but I do trip over her constantly because she is permanently attached to my ass. If I were to go adventuring, she would go too. Moving right along.

Okay, so in actuality she’s feasting on kibble tonight. But her preference out of these four? Please, gimme something more difficult!

This was definitely the most challenging question in the quiz, but I used some deductive reasoning skills and am satisfied I got it right.

I won’t bore you with every lame, poorly written question, but suffice it to say, invoking my puppy’s persona was almost too easy. I felt confident that I represented DimDog well, although the result was a bit of a shocker. Can you guess what character she got? Here’s a little hint:

Sidenote: If you need a pro Photoshopper, I’m available for hire.

That’s right, folks. Courtesy the scientific findings of Zimbio, DimDog may now also be referred to as DarlaDog. I was a little surprised at the result, but once I read the description, I was reminded of the complete and total validity of these tests. Who am I to argue with science? I know my dog, and this quiz absolutely nailed her.

No joke, I honestly couldn’t have described my dog better if I tried.

Because of this, I label my experiment a definite success and urge you to give it a try. You can quiz vicariously through your dog, cat, infant baby, grandmother…whoever’s thought patterns you have a real handle on. Now you can Buzzfeed with the best of them and feel smug while doing so. (Because after all, it’s not really you taking dumb internet tests, is it?)

If you decide to join along, shout it out with pride in the comment section below.

Quiz long and prosper, my friends!

DimWhit’s Friday Fold-Up: DimDog Included.

I’m feeling a tad guilty because during last week’s Friday Fold-Up, I promised to acquaint you all with my ding-dongy, doggy daughter – DimDog – sometime throughout the week. I never got around to it, but in my defense, I was hoping she would do something interesting enough to be post-worthy.

But she didn’t.

In any case, now is probably as good of time as any for DimDog to make her blog debut. Without further ado, here are a few key facts and a bit of her bio:

  • DimDog is a boxer; a flashy brindle girl boasting 4 white socks and tiger stripes on her coat.
  • Her favorite activities include licking human feet and sunbathing in the nude.
  • Her birthday is November 2nd. She’s 2 1/2 years young.
  • For her breed, she’s a lil’ squirt; currently topping out around 50 lbs, when she’s supposed to be closer to 70 or 80.
  • She’s crude and disgusting and bluntly, not very lady-like whatsoever.

Also, she has the ability to be remarkably beautiful. Take for example, this photo:

See what I mean?!? But truthfully, she looks more like this 90% of the time:

For the Friday Fold-Up portion of this week’s post:

  • My blogging idol, the infamous Jenny Lawson of The Bloggess, read and freaking responded to one of my posts, in which I shared a technology tip for Mac users. She also followed me on Twitter. And in related news, I hyperventilated.

I was sporting the Taylor-Trademarked, OMG-I-Can’t-Believe-This-Is-Happening face.

  • Speaking of Twitter, this week I officially launched my campaign for world domination by infiltrating the social media realm. That’s right folks, the DimWhit is now on Facebook and Twitter and waiting for you and 1 million of your closest friends to assist in growing my cult.

  • I could still use your recommendations for the funniest females in the blogging world, because you seriously let me down. I’m not angry. I’m just trying to prove a point here, dammit. You can help me out here.
  • Additionally, since y’all never fail to surprise me, my least favorite post from the week attracted the most comments, likes and shares – so much so that I’m not going to bother linking it in today’s Fold-Up. Instead, I’m going to link this one, because I like it more and because it makes me giggle on the inside.
  • And finally, the inevitable happened this week: I got busted by my Mama and virtually grounded for my sometimes “colorful” language. This is from the lady that at one point banned me from saying something sucks because to her, sucks was a swear word. Isn’t that some bullshit? However, this is also the lady that has read the entire 50 Shades of Grey trilogy…and I’m pretty sure that’s worse.

Until next time!