Zimbio and Buzzfeed quizzes are killing my Facebook newsfeed.
Admittedly, it’s pretty damn convenient when a 20 second test on the internet can tell you how long you’re going to live. Oh, and what would life be if we had no way to accurately determine which Backstreet Boy we should marry?!? It’s truly enough to make anyone thankful for technological advances. We live in a glorious time! (Screw you, “Dark Ages”!)
Assuming we’re in a circle of truth, we can collectively confess that those quizzes are stupid. We all know this. However, we also know that at least once we’ve been suckered in, clicked the damn link and before you knew it, were finding out what adorable animal we were in a past life.
In a moment of weakness just this morning, I succumb to one of those gawd-awful links to find out which Game of Thrones character I was. Every multiple choice selection I made got me one step closer to the answer and chipped just a tiny bit more away from my dignity. It was quite a pickle.
How could I indulge these idiotic quizzes while managing to keep my self-respect intact? I may be a DimWhit, but at that moment I was struck by genius.
Like an inconvenient fart, I’m putting this one on my dog!
It’s a simple fix, really. You merely open a quiz of your choice, pretend to be the family dog and answer the questions accordingly. You know them well enough to answer on their behalf. Plus, you get twice the giggles with zero of that nasty shame aftertaste. To assess my theory, I found my way to Zimbio and put DimDog to the test.
First, I randomly selected one of the quizzes highlighted on the home page. I figured the “Finding Nemo” test would be ideal for my experiment since it’s kinda about animals. Also, I was confident I could guess which character DimDog would be (Dory) and was looking forward to being validated.
Here is how she answered and her results. Question 1:
This was an obvious DimDog answer. She swims about as well as a giant rock with four plastic straws taped to the bottom. She’d want back to shore and she’d need help getting there.
Also easy. She never tries to run off, but I do trip over her constantly because she is permanently attached to my ass. If I were to go adventuring, she would go too. Moving right along.
Okay, so in actuality she’s feasting on kibble tonight. But her preference out of these four? Please, gimme something more difficult!
This was definitely the most challenging question in the quiz, but I used some deductive reasoning skills and am satisfied I got it right.
I won’t bore you with every lame, poorly written question, but suffice it to say, invoking my puppy’s persona was almost too easy. I felt confident that I represented DimDog well, although the result was a bit of a shocker. Can you guess what character she got? Here’s a little hint:
That’s right, folks. Courtesy the scientific findings of Zimbio, DimDog may now also be referred to as DarlaDog. I was a little surprised at the result, but once I read the description, I was reminded of the complete and total validity of these tests. Who am I to argue with science? I know my dog, and this quiz absolutely nailed her.
No joke, I honestly couldn’t have described my dog better if I tried.
Because of this, I label my experiment a definite success and urge you to give it a try. You can quiz vicariously through your dog, cat, infant baby, grandmother…whoever’s thought patterns you have a real handle on. Now you can Buzzfeed with the best of them and feel smug while doing so. (Because after all, it’s not really you taking dumb internet tests, is it?)
If you decide to join along, shout it out with pride in the comment section below.
Quiz long and prosper, my friends!